I’m Not On The Group Text

Monday | August 27, 2018

Love Letters Relationships

I’m Not On The Group Text

I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for three years now. We are long-distance (he lives in another country) and have been for the entire relationship. I’m lucky to have him. He’s amazing and a genuinely awesome person.

The one thing I’ve found troubling in our relationship is his friend dynamic. I’ve been over to his country four times now. Every time I’ve visited, I’ve spent a significant amount of time there. I’ve only now met his friends … three years later … at our engagement party.

Now, his friends are a pretty involved group in his life. He has a group message with them (the men and their significant others), and they communicate with that group text every day. After the engagement party, I thought that my fiancé would finally have invited me into this group chat. But still nothing. It makes me feel disappointed in him and his friends because there’s no effort to try to include me and get to know me.

– Left Out

I just scrolled through all of the group texts in my phone. Most of the best exchanges started because one person had a practical question – like what time a movie started. Someone answered that question, and then the conversation evolved (or devolved) into inside jokes, gifs, someone asking how to pronounce “gif,” etc.

Group texts are not a window into anyone’s soul. Please remember that because of distance, there haven’t been many reasons to throw you on a text about someone’s daily routine. Give it time and wait to evaluate your relationship with these people until you’re living in the same place.

The only thing that does sound uncomfortable is that you didn’t meet his friends until the engagement party. It would have been nice for you to get to know his community before making a big commitment. But … it’s possible that people were traveling during your visits. Maybe your fiancé was keeping you to himself. Perhaps it’s been difficult for him to plan your time together because it’s so precious.

Tell your fiancé that you’d like to spend more time with his friends when you’re in the same place. Do not try to force intimacy – or inside jokes. Don’t even mention the group texts because the in-person communication is far more important.

– Meredith

Readers? Are you on any important group texts with significant others?

Distance Relationships

Featured Comment

His friends just met you and they live in a different country. Why would they include you in a daily text presumably about stupid day to day stuff? If it bothers you that much you could, oh I don’t know, ask him to add you. If you are not comfortable talking to him about something this small after 3 years that’s a problem.

Ughamazing Share Thoughts