Q.

I matched with a guy on Hinge about three months ago. He (40s, male) and I (50s, female) hit it off right away. It was actually hot. We met at a hotel bar and got a room right away, no strings attached. It was supposed to be physical only. I made it really plain and simple – I did not want to know anything about his personal life. He said he was polyamorous and had other partners, which is fine by me. 

I was only looking for the physical connection. He said he had a primary partner for the last two years. They are both open with each other and share everything. Fine by me. Not my thing, but different strokes for different folks. 

The other week, I find out the guy is actually in the middle of a divorce, and his divorce is finally final. He is now planning to get his own place and start living his divorced life.

The issue is that the more I get to know this guy, the more I am getting the ick. We have a wonderful physical connection, but I really hate learning anything more about his personal life or life choices he has made. For example, the other day he got kicked off a commercial airline during boarding because he was being disrespectful.

Then he tells me a story about how he got in a fight with his ex-wife, and how several times cops have been called to his house because they would get into really loud arguments in front of his children. Then he mentioned his primary partner is now sober, and that she is not as fun as she used to be when she was drinking. 

But he also keeps warning me not to fall in love with him. Why would I fall in love?

We also had an evening with his primary partner – his idea. It was more fun for him, but he played it off like he was doing it all for me. Yeah, right. 

After three months, what was supposed to just be sex has become boring, tedious, and all about him.

How do I politely make it very clear that he should keep his personal life to himself? He keeps asking me what I am looking for in a relationship. I say I am strictly looking for sex, but nothing else. I am a busy person with not much free time for “dates” and romance. The guy even said if I change my mind and I do want a partner, he wants “first right of refusal,” so he wants me to offer being in a relationship with to before anyone else. 

Can you have FWB if you were never friends first? 

Is it time to shove off?

– Tedious