My concern is my daughter. She’s married to a smart guy who has been a great father figure to her two daughters. My daughter is a sweet, caring, empathetic woman — with everyone except her husband and her daughters.

She has confided in me that he is emotionless with her – no hugs, kisses, or sex. She harbors a lot of anger and takes it out on her husband. They have been married 10 years. He has confided in me that while he acknowledges her pain and disappointment, he can’t maintain affectionate feelings for her because of the way she treats him. He’s been to a counselor; she adamantly refuses to go.

Part of her anger, I feel, is that when she was in college, she became pregnant and her education was put aside while the father of her baby, whom she married first. He finished his studies, secured a job, then went about his pursuit of happiness – golf, kayaking, skydiving, archery, martial arts – while she was stuck at home with two children. They divorced.

Her current husband puts up with her ranting and negligible domestic skills, entertains her daughters, maintains the household, and says he’s thankful that marrying her gave him the opportunity to be a parent. I listen to both of them, praise him for his devotion, and advise her to go to a counselor because I don’t have the answers. She says she’s tried everything to make him understand her feelings. I say she hasn’t tried everything if she hasn’t seen a counselor. He doesn’t want a divorce. She tells him to go live with his parents. I’d hate to lose a son-in-law, but I also hate to see him endure this.

I really do keep my nose out of it except to listen when either one calls me. It’s not my problem to solve. He doesn’t have a switch to turn on to make him romantic, and she doesn’t have one to turn off her feelings of needing affection. I feel for both of them, but I don’t think either one will change.

– Stuck