“Or is it better to speak up and risk making things awkward?”

Great question. It all depends on this friend and what’s happening around them. If this person is a new parent, let’s say, it makes sense that they’re exhausted, thinking of their own problems, and forgetting to ask about yours. If they’re busy at work, dealing with family needs, or managing mental health issues, they might have trouble being as dependable as they once were.

Hopefully they’re self-aware about it, though. It’s nice when a friend says, “I know the I’m less available, but there’s no less love.”

If this friend isn’t dealing with any life changes, an awkward conversation might do some good. You nailed the problem in the second sentence of your letter. Maybe if you say those words, your friend will realize what’s been happening on your side, and you can talk about it.

They might be warm about it and apologize. They could become defensive or dismissive. If they see no issue, you can say, “That helps. I needed a reality check.” Maybe to them, it’s fine. Perhaps this is a new normal.

Depending on their reaction, you can make new choices about how much you want to initiate plans and check-ins.

You don’t have to have hundreds of friends to be happy, but I do recommend truly connecting with a few, so there’s less pressure on one friendship to remain the same forever. This person might just be going through a phase where they’re not that great of a friend. It happens. It’s a little easier to forgive and ride it out if you can take a bit of space and get support from others.

– Meredith

Readers? Take about it? Do less initiating of plans? What would you do?

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