My partner and I have been together for three-plus years. When we first met, it was clear we both had growth to do. And we have grown during this time. We’ve both gotten more mature and learned how to be good partners to each other (most of the time). 

But, I have a lingering feeling that I’m starting to grow away from him and a life with him. I was craving stability at the time when we first met. I had grown up in a house full of unreasonable expectations, fighting, things left unsaid that should’ve been said, and pure chaos at times. My parents didn’t make a good example of what a happy marriage is. Even though they are still together today, it’s clear they’re both unhappy. My mom tells me about it all the time, but she’s too scared to leave my dad this late in life. They’re in their 60s and they’ve just succumbed to spending the rest of their lives together, even if they won’t be as happy as they could be apart. 

After I graduated high school, I left town immediately and sought to have a life completely opposite of the one I’d just had for 18 years. I was ready to experience new things and meet new people. I had a wonderful time doing this. I went on dates with men unlike any others I’d met before. People who lived in vans and travelled the world. People who were not afraid of the unknown, but actively chased it. I changed and became someone with a deep curiosity for life and a passion for people, a passion for learning and trying new things and seeing new places. 

Then, my sister fell into addiction. It was time to move home. I knew I had to be there for my sister, because my parents didn’t know how to be. I got a job and moved back in with my parents.

It was in this time that I met my partner. He was stable. He was loving. He was what I needed. While the adventurous guys I had met previously were all intriguing, they always felt a little too free-spirited for me. I needed someone to ground me. He’s supported me emotionally and financially as I have been working through a college degree. But, as much as we’ve grown together and made a life together, I can’t help but feel stuck. I love him so much, this isn’t even in question. But, it seems like that adventurous spirit is coming back up in me, and he just doesn’t share that with me. 

He is content to live in this same city his whole life. He wants to continue career progression in the company he’s been in for years. His idea of travel is to go abroad for a week. I want to live in a new city. I want to be immerse myself in cultures of new places and peoples. I want to take two months off and have a backpacking trip through South America. 

Can I take these trips alone or with a friend? Can I move alone to a new city for a year, and he can join me if he finds a job and we stay longer? Can I take language, sailing, art classes alone – or would I rather share that with someone? I don’t know how I feel right now, other than I feel stuck and somewhat unhappy. This life we’ve built isn’t starting to feel like the one I want.

– Stuck