I’m Doubting My Future With Him

Friday | May 8, 2020

Love Letters Relationships

I’m Doubting My Future With Him

Have a safe weekend. Letters to [email protected].

My boyfriend walked into my life two years ago, and he was the definition of Prince Charming. He was moving to another state two months after we met, so at the time I thought he was just going to be a temporary fun time. But we made it official, and that’s when we began our long-distance relationship two states away. He would visit me almost every month, send me flowers when we weren’t together, and always made me feel like I was the only girl in the world.

About a year after we started dating, he told me he wasn’t “strong” enough to do long-distance anymore, and that he was risking his career to come see me monthly. Which, by the way, I never asked him to do. I would visit him every other month and he would visit me way more than I expected. He pretty much told me I would have to move in with him or our relationship would end. At first I was appalled and surprised; I couldn’t believe he gave me an ultimatum and wanted me to leave my family, friends, job, and hometown.

I told him I would stay with him for six months because I wanted to try living in a new place. It has now been six months since I’ve moved for him, and during my time here I have realized a lot of things about him that make me doubt our future together. I found out he lied to me and kissed someone else while we were doing long-distance. At times I feel like he’s my best friend because our bond is so comfortable, but he lost my trust and I can’t get over it. I’m scared of the future I might have with him, but a part of me thinks it might turn out great. He wants me to stay here with him, to get married and start a family. He has his future figured out, but I don’t think I’m ready to give up mine. He continues to tell me that me moving back would ruin everything. He says I’m all he has out here besides his career and house. It’s astonishing; he seems to be an angel, and everyone around him thinks he’s amazing, but parts of him are darker than I thought.

Am I just overthinking and finding reasons to leave? Do I wait to see if he’s the guy he says he is, or should I be selfish and leave before things might blow up in my face?

– My oh my

No one should have assumed that cohabitation would fix all of your problems. If anything, it introduces so many new ones. Often people get to know the weird stuff about their partners over time. Sometimes years. You got everything at once.

If he’s pressuring you to get married, he doesn’t understand what’s best for you – or himself. You can’t rush the natural pace of a relationship and expect good results. He should want you to feel comfortable about next steps, and that means giving you time to get there.

If he took marriage off the table and acknowledged that you’re nowhere close to making that kind of decision, would you feel better about staying and learning more about him? Maybe that’s something to talk to him about. Big questions shouldn’t have to be answered in six months. Also, you want time to build your own community in this new place. That’s almost impossible to pull off right now.

I will point out that you say the selfish move would be to leave. Sometimes what we call a “selfish” decision is the one that’s best for us. It’s the one we know is right in our heart, even if it might hurt someone else. If you gut knows it should be elsewhere, listen to it.

– Meredith

Readers? Give it more time? If so, how would you reset the expectations?

Living Together Relationships

Featured Comment

u0022All I see here is what the so-called prince charming wants. His career, his home, his needs.nnWhat do YOU want out of life. That’s the only thing that matters.u0022 – ThatGuyInRI

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