I had been living with my partner for about seven years. On paper we were great – both academics, love travel and hiking, and wanted a child-free life. The good times were really good and I loved her (and still do). Other times, however, my partner was quick to get angry, yell, and cry. I was often the target of this negative emotional energy, even when I was not its cause (somehow I was to blame for tiny external annoyances).

I had implored her to get help managing her emotions, but she wouldn’t. In 2021, fed up with my job as well as my relationship, I took a new position abroad. She supported me taking it; I would come back to our shared home during vacations and summers. But I made it clear: this move was a sign that our relationship was not good and needed changing. Honestly, I thought it was the end. To my surprise, she started getting help. She’s been better managing her emotions and apologizing when she slips up. She seems more willing to listen to my needs and support them. Things have gotten better.

I have a chance to return to the US full time. It would mean sacrificing a job I really like (and taking one I probably won’t) to live together full time. I would be excited to live with her again, but under lower stress circumstances. But I dread my job in the states, and fear the possibility she might regress. How do I make this decision?

– Scared to return