Talk to him about your plans! Please. Honestly, it might hurt his feelings that you’ve come up with a departure date without talking to him about it. You don’t want him to feel blindsided by the information. If he’s a real partner, this is supposed to be an ongoing discussion, as opposed to a one-sided mission.

I assume you’re afraid to find out whether he’s still open to leaving. I get that. But your silence prevents a conversation about compromise. He might tell you he’d like to split his time. Or maybe he’ll want to find a much larger place in your hometown so it’s easier to have guests. Maybe his kids plan to move around anyway. I have no idea. Neither do you.

Have a conversation has about everything, not just “move or don’t.” What does he think of the area where you need to be? Are some neighborhoods more interesting than others? What community exists for the two of you there? How much of your time will be spent with your parents? How often would you be open to returning? Could it start long-distance? There are so, so many questions. You’ve reduced this to “yes” or “no,” but I see it as, “What does this mean, specifically?” and “How might this work for both of us?”

It’s been 10 years. Talk about the difficult thing. Keep an open mind.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you talk about this? Any reason to wait?