Dear Meredith,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about nine months now and everything seemed perfect until recently. I found out he was communicating with women from his past and then lying to me about it. He was going through his messages on Facebook as I was sitting next to him, and I saw the conversation between him and someone he went out on a date with, saying he wonders what it would of been like to be with her in a sexual way. After that, my trust in him pretty much no longer existed.

Because of this, I found myself going through his email when he wasn’t in the room. I know this is totally wrong, but I felt like when I asked him questions, I never got an honest answer and that was the only way to get answers. In going through his email, I found topless pictures from only a few days before of a woman he has been friends with for a long time. When I confessed to looking in his email and confronted him about it, he felt embarrassed and guilty and said it was totally crossing the line but that it was done as a joke and she has always done stuff like that when he has had a girlfriend. He agreed that it was wrong and was sorry and promised not to do it again. But how can I believe this?

Also in his email I found emails from pornography websites, which doesn’t bother me, but also porn chat room websites, which does bother me because it is more personal. I also found pictures he emailed himself from Facebook of women I don’t know, some I do know, and one of his ex. I also found a receipt for a mini spy camera. Seeing this totally sickened me. What could he be using it for? I haven’t told him I saw this yet.

I thought he was “the one” until seeing all of this stuff, and whenever I approach him about it he says I have to trust him at least a little bit. He always acknowledges what he does is wrong but keeps on doing it. I just don’t know if I am being too easy on him because I know this behavior isn’t acceptable. I feel torn about what to do because I really see a future with him and love him but can’t get past these things and do not know how or if I can trust him.

– Depressed, NJ