You’ve already gone back and forth with comments. I think a direct message is fine.

Just make sure you’re clear about who you are and what you want. There are ways to say a lot in just a few words. As in, “Your post about squash soup reminded me of the time my wife and I tried to be vegan for a week.” (I’m pretending it’s a cooking Substack thing.)

You can tell her you’re not sure about the etiquette of communicating this way, and that you don’t want to be weird. Sometimes it’s best when people say, “I hope this is OK! Just trying to be friends!”

We’re all looking for community. If you find excellent people on Instagram or Substack, that’s great. Take small steps, keep the communication low-stakes, and if there’s no response, let it go. 

One more thought: you might find that a few DMs and occasional comments from this person are enough. I read some columnists and listen to a bunch of podcasts, and sometimes I think, “I could totally be friends with this person in real life.” But when I’m honest with myself, the parasocial relationship I have with them is actually enough – and quite lovely. I’m happy to listen, read, like them, and move on. You can also just be someone’s very loyal audience, with minimal interaction.

– Meredith