I want to be able to contact his friends

Thursday | June 20, 2024

Love Letters Relationships

I want to be able to contact his friends

My boyfriend and I started dating in April. I introduced him to my friends, then he introduced me to some of his – by phone. I wasn’t satisfied because I wanted to see people’s faces.

When I tried telling him that I needed a close friend’s contact information in case I can’t reach him, he started saying that’s suspicious – and that he doesn’t trust his friends.

I told him it’s just in case I can’t get to him. Then I know someone who can find him easily.

Even though he wasn’t too happy about it, that’s how the conversation ended.

I now have a friend’s contact information, but my boyfriend isn’t pleased. He says he doesn’t have his friends’ girlfriends’ numbers, so why should his friends have mine?

Can you tell me how we can get over this?

– Numbers

I want to know more about why you needed a friend’s number.

Are you concerned about your boyfriend’s safety? Are you seeking an emergency contact because you fear actual emergencies?

Or is this about keeping him within reach? Because I’m not sure that’s necessary. Sometimes people do their own thing, have their phone off, and take time to be alone. I hope you can be comfortable with your boyfriend needing privacy sometimes.

If this is about making sure you’re a part of his world – that the people in his life know you’re important – that’s something else. Do some soul-searching, and if that sounds right to you, let your boyfriend know. Explain that you asked for this because you want to be part of his scene.

Basically, consider your motives and explore them. First on your own, then with him.

I do have a bunch of thoughts about a guy who doesn’t trust his friends (or his girlfriend, possibly), but that’s another issue. It’s worth asking whether he has people he can trust – maybe family, other friends, etc. Maybe that’s who you should meet, whenever he’s ready.

But first, talk about where this came from. I’m getting disingenuous vibes here – that you’re not being 100 percent clear about why you need the number, and he’s not sharing everything about why he’s uncomfortable. Maybe if you disclose more, he will too.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you use your significant other’s friends’ numbers? When did you get them and under what circumstances?

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Jealousy Relationships

Featured Comment

“Readers? How do you use your significant other’s friends’ numbers? When did you get them and under what circumstances?: I got their numbers when I actually had a use for them: to plan a surprise birthday for my partner, organize a group trip or make group plans together, send pictures after an event, wish them happy birthday, etc. So many valid reasons to have partners’ friends numbers, but it makes more sense to have them once you spend time with their friends and do things together. Not because your partner isn’t answering your texts after two months of dating.”

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