Hi Meredith,

I was wondering what your thoughts are on friend crushes; in other words, platonic love, I guess. I recently heard this term called “squishing.” A squish is essentially a strong admiration, affection, and emotional bond with a friend — without the romantic/sexual intentions. Supposedly you get the same crush-like feelings, only you don’t feel obligated to tie down to that person, and in general it is just a stronger-than-normal friendship. Perhaps you really admire and care for them and have an emotional bond, but situationally it would never work, or you’re just not mentally compatible. I am in my early 20s, female, and I have many male friends (I tend to make new male friends far more often than female friends). I want to know if it’s OK to feel this “squish” (friend crush) toward someone.

I have thought about dating some of my male friends, but have never actively pursued anything because I don’t want awkwardness or rejection, etc. I also feel that having a squish on someone is more long-term than dating or crushing on someone. In other words, friendships are more permanent than dating, so I wouldn’t want to take the risk of losing a friend at this point in my life. For some of my guy friends, I really want to get closer to them, connect, and be open and trusting. I love deep conversation and I often don’t get that from my female friends.

Sometimes I even have thoughts of cuddling with my male friends, or getting other small acts of affection with them (i.e. massages, etc.), without it sparking romantic feelings. I don’t know if it’s because I have been single for quite some time. As I get older I find myself more emotionally involved with my male counterparts, and I have no idea why this is. Do you think it is wrong of me to feel this squish? Do you think it’s possible to have these feelings without it progressing into romantic feelings, knowing there is already an emotional bond? I need your thoughts.

– Feeling Squishy