A reminder: I’m not a mental health professional, so don’t take my thoughts as “diagnosis.”

To me, your friendly relationship journalist, it sounds like you want what you can’t have because it’s safe – and because you like your status quo.

You seem to desire the fantasy of love, as opposed to the real intimacy that comes with someone you can’t script. You can imagine these guys – or your compatibility with them – however you want.

That’s OK, for the most part. Dreams are fun. 

It becomes a problem if your thoughts are intrusive or making you miserable. More people have been asking me about “limerence,” which involves obsessive thinking and longing. I can’t tell if your crushes are light and casual, or if you’re staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night because you’re painfully enamored with someone who doesn’t reciprocate.

Consider how much time you spend fixed on people you’ll never date. Maybe you need more professional guidance to help you shift your focus.

Remember that you got to know your engaged coworker – and, to some extent, those fictional book characters and celebrities – over time. You learned about them over days. Weeks. Chapters.

Someone might pique your interest on a second date. It helps to get there.

Last thought: can you date your brother’s friend? That one seems like the closest to real life.

– Meredith

Readers? Looking back, I did all sorts of limerence when I was younger, especially in my 20s. Is this crush phase part of development for some, but not others? Did you spend an era of your life wanting people you couldn’t have? Do you have this problem?