I would really appreciate some advice on how, or even whether, I should ask my daughter about the fact that I think her new boyfriend is gay. She is 26 and has a great job in a big city. A year ago, her college boyfriend of four years broke up with her with no warning. She had no idea it was coming and was devastated.  

Eight months later, she met a new guy in the real world, not on an app.  He asked her out (after prodding from his mother who was at the event where they met) and now they have been dating for six months. She seems really smitten as he is attractive, nice, and comes from a wealthy family.  

I met him for the first time a few weeks ago and concluded that he is probably gay. Yes, this opinion was primarily based on stereotypical cues, but I later found out via a mutual acquaintance that all of her 20-something friends also think he is gay. (As far as I know, none of them has said anything to her about it.) Before I met him, she asked me to be honest regarding what I thought of him.

I am very worried that she is ignoring the red flags because he treats her well and because she is dazzled by his money. I know at this point in her life, she wants to find her life partner. I don’t want her dating him for years or even marrying him only to be heartbroken when he acknowledges the truth. It may seem odd that in 2024, someone would feel they have to hide his/her orientation, but his family is from a religious background.  

I want to ask her if she has asked him about this, but I know she would react with anger. I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship, but I want to make sure her eyes are open regarding what might happen down the line if she continues this relationship. If they have discussed it and she is comfortable with his answers, fine. However, I fear she has not broached the topic because she wants to pretend all is fine. She is rather reserved and always avoids confrontation. She is well into adulthood, so should I just ignore this issue? If not, how can I broach this topic with the least offense?  

Thank you so much for your consideration.

– Wondering