I don't want to be friends with people who cheat

Friday | June 7, 2024

Love Letters Relationships

I don’t want to be friends with people who cheat

I don’t believe in cheating. I think it’s wrong morally and ethically.

That being said, I have friends who do cheat, and I don’t know how to feel about being friends with them. I have friends who cheat on their significant others and friends who cheat on their spouses. I don’t think either is OK, but I think when in a marriage it’s even worse.

I have called them out on this, but I know I cannot change who they are as people, but I can change who I am friends with. Is this something worth ending a friendship over or do I need to just accept that some people cheat?

– Cheaters

Try both, maybe.

Accept that some people cheat – because it’s true – and also distance yourself from friends whose choices have ruined your ability to trust and respect them.

Maybe some of these cheaters are different than others. Perhaps the people who feel remorse, show self-awareness, and work to change are easier to be around. Those who do whatever they want – because they feel entitled – well, maybe those friends are no longer for you.

You could try asking these pals to keep their extra-curricular activities to themselves (I’m not sure why you always have to hear about their affairs), but boundaries only go so far. If the friendships involve you spending time with their significant others and having to be complicit in a lie, you won’t be happy.

I hope you’re sure about the facts here. Some people have consensual open relationships. What looks like cheating might not be.

But I assume you know what’s what. You want to be around friends you trust and respect. If this group isn’t it, that’s OK.

– Meredith

Send your own question about relationships (dating, divorce, breakups, singleness, and friendships) to the anonymous form or email [email protected]. When you ask a question, it helps others wondering about the same kind of thing.

Cheating Friends Relationships

Featured Comment

“So don’t be. Or, realize that other people’s behavior has no reflection on you. Or, tell these people that you’re not cool with it and won’t be complicit in any deception. Or, realize that cheating is actually (on the majority) a symptom of a problem in the relationship and show some compassion. Or mayble flat-out ask these friends if their relationship is Open. But seriously, LW, your letter comes across as very judgemental. I have to wonder if you’re in high school or college because most adults just accept that this happens in life.”

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