I don't have many friends, so this one is important

Monday | June 2, 2025

Love Letters Relationships

I don’t have many friends, so this one is important

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Hi Meredith!

I know you said that you want more questions about friendship and I have one!

First off, I’m 18 and I will be entering college in September! I’m so excited about this new change in my life. Anyway, here is my question:

So, I have a Japanese friend who is a year older than me. I first met her on a language app, and she was looking for someone with whom she could exchange gifts. I know, in this case, it’s a very unusual situation because I just met her and I already gave her my address, but we have been exchanging gifts ever since!

We both feel that we have a close relationship, but lately, I have been worried about something. Since she is a college student, she recently spent a month in Malta last month and built new connections. I was, and am still, very happy for her. Recently, I’ve been worried that she will leave me behind and prefer her new friends to me. Since I’m an only child, I don’t have many friends, so I hold the ones I do have very close and sometimes try too hard to maintain the relationships, which makes me a little territorial. Usually, people don’t realize I’m being territorial. My concern is that I don’t want to lose her as a friend or for her to value her other connections in Malta more than our friendship.

But I will admit that I am a little jealous because I want to be her only foreign friend. We have never met, and my plan is to visit her when I study abroad in Japan. I know, I know, what you are thinking: “How can you feel this way about someone you’ve never met in person?” But I think it’s just the feeling of having and wanting a friend I don’t want to lose.

She doesn’t know I feel this way, and I don’t know what to do. Coming from different cultures, she is pretty understanding, but I’m scared she’ll take it the wrong way and end the friendship.

I know every relationship changes, and some people come and go, but I don’t like it when they end, especially in situations like these. But I just don’t know what to do!

– Only Child

I have a lot of friends. I don’t say this to brag. For me, it always felt necessary for survival.

As a younger person I’d think, “If I have 50 close friends, I’ll always have something to do. I won’t be abandoned or isolated.” (Yes, I’ve talked to a therapist about this.)

These friendships have been genuine, by the way – not just for numbers. I pretend to be difficult and roll my eyes, but I actually like a lot of people.

I bring this up because some of my closest companions have questioned their importance in my life because they know I might have 25 other super close friends. They ask, “If you have dozens of people who are very important to you, where do I fit in?” But the thing is, my love turns out to be pretty abundant.

My time isn’t abundant, and that’s an issue, but the love … that’s all real.

Your friend can make 10 close friends in Malta and still send you gifts. Believe that. Trust that while she’s making new connections, you can be doing that here at college. This is a good thing, because if our lives don’t change, what are we supposed to talk about?

Also, it’s fun when the world is big. Maybe she made a friend in Malta you’ll get to meet one day. If the group grows, you grow with it.

There might be a time when the gifts stop coming, or maybe come less frequently. But at that point, you’ll be doing something new, too. You can also keep people as friends, even if you communicate less.

Anticipate change, as opposed to the “end.” Enjoy what you have and open yourself up to more.

(I just want to take one last moment to say I got into Eurovision this year, and Malta should have placed second, at least. I know that’s unrelated, but what are the odds anyone in Love Letters would mention Malta. Google it if you’re interested. The Malta song is perfection.)

– Meredith

Readers? How does one get comfortable with friends having other friends? Help an isolated letter writer open up a little.

What’s on your mind about friendship, love, exes, dating, love, loss, crushes, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].

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Featured Comment

Once you start college and making more friends, she won’t seem so important as she does know. Life continually changes and some friends come and go. It’s ok and should happen that way, open yourself up to meeting others.

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