I Confessed My Crush To My Married Co-worker

Friday | February 17, 2023

Love Letters Relationships

I Confessed My Crush To My Married Co-worker

Stuck in a rut? Have a crush? Have no crush at all? Send your relationship/dating question to [email protected] or fill out this form.

Am I avoiding something in my life by crushing on a married co-worker? At a work party, late into the night, I ran into him and confessed my inner thoughts about him – that I was into him, and that once I found out he was married, I was disappointed and frustrated (but in a very complimentary way, eek).

At one point I told him that if he ever got a divorce, I’d want to go out with him (yikes!). Later that night, we made out. As I will never talk about this with him or with others, it’s become this unspoken thing. Secret tension exists, random glances between us make me nervous and excited, and conversations with magnetic eye contact (ugh). I don’t have to interact with him often, so that’s ideal. I can’t imagine that this is good for me, but I can’t diagnose what’s going on. I want to so I can get rid of this inappropriate crush. Could I be avoiding something? That’s what Google is telling me.

More info: I am very much on a break from dating. I believe I have been open-minded with guys I normally wouldn’t be open to, have given them a really fair shot, and have been surprised by some of the qualities I find in them. But, when it’s their turn to be open-minded, or to be willing to work through some discomfort, or to just give the relationship a fair chance, they walk away in a scared, childish way.

This married guy is very sure of himself, doesn’t seem scared of anything, and makes me so nervous (he is intimidating). Not sure if that contrast is what has this guy on my mind.

— Looking For A Remedy

Eek, yikes, and ugh, indeed.

It sounds like this illicit crush is an attempt to avoid the misery of dating. Perhaps you also feel entitled to the attention because you’ve done so much work to find a relationship, but haven’t experienced any payoff.

But this is not a way out of the search. You confessed (and more) at the party, and it’s too late to fix that, but you can correct your course starting now. You can avoid him as much as possible, make the boundaries clear, and look in the mirror every morning and ask yourself, “Do I want to be a person who hooks up with a married dude? Is that who I am?” Answer out loud.

That’s a good way to get rid of a crush like this – by leaning into shame! I don’t like shame, under most circumstances, but this is a great place for it. If something makes you feel gross, you might be inspired to cut it out.

Stop googling what’s up with this because I’m telling you right now, there’s no good answer. No need to diagnose, just move on. Take space, set rules, and give yourself a real break from dating. I’m not sure you’ve had much of that yet, if this guy’s been in the way.

– Meredith

Readers? What’s being avoided here?

Relationships