How can I trust him again?
Thinking about a breakup, dating, a divorce, doing none of the above? What’s on your mind? Send your own letter here – or to [email protected].
Q.
I have been in a relationship with a married man for 10 years. We were both married when we started off. I got divorced for my own reasons, but he’s still with his wife technically.
I also read messages on his phone to another woman in 2023 and broke up with him. But we got back together in 2024.
While I do love him a lot, I’m not sure what he feels. Sometimes I think he still loves his wife or is cheating on me yet again. How do I trust him again?
– Anonymous
A.
People have to earn your trust. He hasn’t.
He still has a wife – and I assume there isn’t a great reason for that.
If there is a strategy behind that marriage, like keeping health insurance for someone who needs it, you’d think you’d be in on the plan and would understand.
But it doesn’t sound like you’re his primary partner, even after 10 years. He does his thing, you do yours. After 2023/2024, you hope infidelity won’t happen again, but you’re not convinced.
I’m sure you love him. But when you ask, “How do I trust him again?,” I think, “Is he asking you to? What’s he doing to mend the relationship?”
If the answer is “very little,” and you have no plan for a future together, consider why you stay. You didn’t tell us any of the good things about your relationship with this man.
Maybe there’s less to enjoy, and more to worry about these days.
If so, it’s not too late to walk away.
– Meredith
Readers? How do you trust someone again? What questions do you ask yourself when you’re figuring out how to continue on in a relationship?
Thinking about a breakup, dating, a divorce, doing none of the above? What’s on your mind? Send your own letter here – or to [email protected].
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