I Hooked Up With My Friend’s Fling

Thursday | March 19, 2020

Love Letters Relationships

I Hooked Up With My Friend’s Fling

Let’s chat at 1. We don’t have to do social distancing in there.

I traveled to another country to visit my friend who’s abroad at the moment, and she introduced me to her fling. We immediately hit it off and later, when we were really drunk at a party, we started making out. I immediately felt guilty even though I was really drunk. But then I thought about how my friend told me she doesn’t care if I hook up with him because she’s been seeing someone else.

I never actually had sex with him, and I stopped before it became too intimate, because it felt wrong. I told my friend what happened and she’s insisting she’s not mad at me but at him, but I can tell she’s actually really hurt because she barely spoke to me after that. I’ve never felt this bad in my life. What do I do to help us move on from this?

– Guilty

Give it time and a lot of space. Your friend had to process her feelings about this in front of you because you were visiting her. She probably felt like she had to keep her game face on.

Also, she might not know how she really feels about this because she hasn’t had a minute to decide. Remember that she’s going to have to continue to see this man after you leave. That might be unpleasant.

You can check in on her and let her know you still have regrets, but limit yourself to one final, thoughtful, all-encompassing apology. Maybe sent it by email and let her know she doesn’t have to respond. If you tell her how sorry you are multiple times, she’ll have to keep forgiving you, and that’s exhausting – and frustrating. Make the next one count.

The lesson here is that even though you had permission to do this, it felt wrong, and now you’re miserable. Next time, trust that gut.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts about the making out and the aftermath?

Friends Relationships