My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and are in our early 20s. We were hanging out with a big group of his friends and acquaintances (all guys). With my boyfriend within steps of me, one of our acquaintances/friends began hitting on me in a sort of inconspicuous way. At first it wasn’t obvious, but then he kept coming over and getting close to me, so my boyfriend and the others definitely noticed.

Although I was aware he was hitting on me, I didn’t do anything about it because 1) I did not take it seriously and 2) my boyfriend was right there so there was nothing to worry about. Turns out, my boyfriend was incredibly upset. He’s not mad at the friend who hit on me because he was drunk. He was mad at me because I just let it happen on and off all night. I wasn’t flirting back, so I thought that was OK, but I also wasn’t leaving so I understand why my boyfriend is mad.

The way I see it, women get hit on all the time, and the way to deal with these guys is to be polite without leading them on and leave the conversation when it starts to become inappropriate – whether or not you have a boyfriend. I would never say “OK, please stop hitting on me” in this situation, especially because there’s a chance I read the situation wrong and would embarrass both of us and make our friendship awkward. So my question is, who is correct in a situation like this? My boyfriend or me?

My boyfriend said the easy solution was to leave the conversation and go to him, but I must repeat – he was hitting on me so inconspicuously that I was confused about whether he was even hitting on me. We were talking about very interesting and innocent things! He was also drunk, which, according to my boyfriend, is forgivable. And I’m not asking for a knight in shining armor to come to my rescue, but if it bothered my boyfriend, he could’ve come over. It’s as if he was testing me and I failed. But I truly don’t think that letting someone hit on you is a serious offense. In retrospect, I do feel guilty because I could have easily left, but I believe my boyfriend overreacted. I don’t know what to think now.

– Confused