Hi Meredith,

I love my boyfriend very much. He is a great listener, kind, very intelligent, helpful, and just a wonderful man. My single girlfriends always ask, “Why can’t I find a boyfriend like that?”

What’s the problem then? Well, he’s unmotivated.

My boyfriend is very smart. He never received his undergraduate degree because he was helping his family with money. That has not stopped him succeeding in life. He has a top position at a company downtown, but he does not like it and always complains about how he needs to go back to school and get his degree so he can find a better job that he enjoys. Also, we both want to move from the city, but it’s like pulling teeth to get him to actually do anything. I just feel like he continually puts things off. I should mention that he is six years older than me.

We recently moved in together, and I guess I’m just noticing these things more, or I feel like he’s become more comfortable around me and just wants to stay home all the time. He always talks about wanting to do the same things as me, but we just never do. I always feel like I am the one coming up with plans and he just goes for the ride, and I’m not ever sure he likes doing those things. We both have gained a little weight moving in together, and I mentioned that once the spring comes we should go on little walks/jogs together and that it would be nice to have a partner in crime so we don’t feel silly or embarrassed. All he says is “definitely.” But with no further enthusiasm. And I feel like come spring, if I sit on the couch and not say anything about this, we’ll just keep sitting there till next winter.

I want to be with him. This isn’t about wanting to break up. But I am wondering if there is a nice way to try and motivate him without coming off as a total nagging b-word. I just want to start a life with this man and move forward.
I need some wisdom from my favorite wise lady.

– My Boyfriend Is Unmotivated