I’ve been dating my significant other for a year now. He is a very mellow man, and he mellows me out. I would describe our relationship as an old elderly couple who has been together for years. Things are just constantly … mellow. It’s a very nurturing environment. It just seems to bother me more and more as time goes by. I don’t mind the mellowness. I appreciate it at times, but I miss having someone who matches my energy. 

To explain this further, I often find myself feeling more and more disconnected from him. I am becoming more aware sometimes it is just me carrying our connection. For example, yesterday he was taking me back home and the conversation came to a stop because I didn’t keep it going. It feels as though if I stopped my efforts we would just always ride in silence, figuratively of course. I am peddling alone and he is just there at times.

The best metaphor: if it were a book or movie, he would be an extra, who at best may react. It feels like I am stuck in jello most of the time because of his state of being. I recently really opened up to him about this. He said he would seek counseling because he is not sure if it’s all him or possibly depression. He feels as though the mellowness has increased more. I told him if it is who he truly is, I don’t want him to change who he is for me. Maybe we aren’t a good fit. 

He was always a subdued person, even in the beginning, but not as much as he is right now, maybe… I am not sure anymore. I am not sure if the reason why I didn’t feel it as much in the beginning is because we were getting to know each other.   

Background on my past relationships: I was not a big dater, I have really only dated one other person, for two years. It was a serious relationship. Things flowed easily and we matched each other perfectly when it came to our daily interactions and flow. We were best friends when interacting together. I miss that easiness of energy with a partner. Maybe all relationships aren’t supposed to have that.

– Mellowed out