He’s Not Great At Communicating From A Distance

Tuesday | April 7, 2020

Love Letters Relationships

He’s Not Great At Communicating From A Distance

Before being put on lockdown, my boyfriend and I struggled with our communication. I always find it easy to tell someone how I feel, but him not so much. He does things that upset me (unintentionally) and it causes me to overthink. Now, without seeing him, it’s gotten worse. I worry he isn’t thinking of me. When he opens and doesn’t reply to a message, I panic that he doesn’t care about talking to me anymore – like this lockdown is an excuse just for us to take a break.

I am guilty of overthinking, but this is a really difficult time to have a boyfriend who doesn’t communicate well with messages, and doesn’t open up about his feelings, despite knowing how it affects my wellbeing. Do you have any suggestions for someone who overthinks, or any ways to get him to express how he is feeling more?

– Lockdown

This is a really good time to be 100 percent honest about your needs. No more guessing. No expectations for mind reading. If you need one phone call a day, tell him. If you’d like him turn off the “read” notification on texts, make that request. Let him know you’d rather be specific about what you want than spiral about what you’re not getting. Also find out what he needs. How is he finding comfort right now?  What can you do to make this easier for him?

This is such a scary, intense time, and many of us spend hours overthinking things. Like, existential things. I’m not at all surprised that it’s resulted in a spike in honesty and empathy. I haven’t heard shallow politeness from adults in weeks. Maybe that will stick.

Just make sure your requests are specific, and that you’re balancing them with his. Also, don’t depend on your boyfriend for everything. Do you have one other person in your life who’s a great texter? A late-night TV watcher? The kind of person who needs you just as much? If so, make them your go-to for distractions and quick support. Significant others don’t have to be all things. In fact, it’s better when they’re not.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you ask for what you need from significant others right now?

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