When He’s Home, He Sleeps And Plays Video Games

Wednesday | July 19, 2017

Love Letters Relationships

When He’s Home, He Sleeps And Plays Video Games

I have been with my fiancé for five years now. I take care of our 2-year-old son while he works. I do all of the cooking cleaning and 90 percent of taking care of our child, and I never complain because I know how hard my fiancé works to provide a home for us.

Lately though, I feel like he is taking me for granted more and more. He only works four days a week, and he spends all of his down time sleeping or playing video games with his friends. We hardly ever have sex – his choice not mine. Last week was my 26th birthday. I spent the morning at my mother’s with our son. My fiancé sent me a “happy birthday” text, and that was the only acknowledgment of the day. He said nothing to me that night.

The next day I expressed my feelings and said I was hurt, and he said I was being ridiculous. I am starting to get very depressed and lonely being in my own home. What do I do?

– Lonely

The birthday was a good catalyst for a conversation, but it’s not the meat of the problem. The most important sentence in your letter is: “I am starting to get very depressed and lonely being in my own home.” That’s what your partner needs to know.

Instead of listing all of his mistakes and shortcomings (the video games, the sleeping, etc.), talk about the ups and downs of the entire setup – how it affects both of you. Does he want to be the only one who works? Is he content with your sex life? How does he want the marriage to work in the future? It’d be nice to talk about big questions as a team. That’s the way to figure out if you’re really in this together.

Many couples have trouble figuring out how to make money, raise a kid, and have enough time for each other. There are bound to be rough patches, sometimes in the form of birthday texts and video games. It’s all OK if you share the same goals and know that you’ll communicate well when necessary. Try again, and talk about the big picture.

– Meredith

Readers? Was the birthday text so bad? How do they get out of this routine?

Relationships

Featured Comment

u0022Actually it sounds like the fiance is depressed. And the fact that you brought your concerns up and he called you rediculous is not a good sign. Of course we don’t know how you phrased it.nnBottom line is you two need to learn how to communicate honestly with each other. If you can’t, then don’t get married. I know having a child complicates the situation but that isn’t reason enough to marry this guy.u0022 – Gemini58

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