'He's a textbook narcissist'

Friday | January 26, 2024

Love Letters Relationships

‘He’s a textbook narcissist’

What’s been on your mind about your single/dating/married experiences? Ask anything. It helps others who have similar questions.

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I’m living with a man I love, but now I’m having doubts about whether it’s a healthy relationship for me. He’s a textbook narcissist, and if you read anything about narcissists, he checks every box based on just about everything ever written.

For the most part, I accepted it, because I am confident with myself and I view it as his flaw. Every relationship has flaws. He has some, I have some.

But now I met someone else who has me rethinking my situation. It’s only infatuation and hasn’t developed into anything at all. The problem is that now I look at my relationship with doubt. And to be honest, I am afraid of being lonely, and I am afraid of downgrading my lifestyle because it’s more economical to share housing expenses. And change is hard. We’re both in our 50s and have been together almost 10 years.

– Flawed

Infatuation can be temporary. Your feelings for this new person will pass.

It might be more helpful to focus on the relationship you’re in. Have you considered couples counseling? Can you talk to your partner about working with you to make the relationship better?

Maybe he’s a narcissist, but it’s also possible he can learn how to have more empathy. I don’t know, of course, but I’m curious. Aren’t you?

Ask him to do this with you. Find out if he wants to examine these flaws and the good stuff. If he says no, go on your own.

It would be useful to get your own therapist either way. You wonder if your relationship is healthy. A professional can dig into that and help you figure out what’s really going on at home.

If you need help finding a therapist, ask your doctor. You can also call your insurance company and ask where to go.

It doesn’t sound like you want to change your life to pursue this crush, but you do want to change your life, in general. The next step is more talk – with the right experts.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it worth working on the relationship? Thoughts on the talk about narcissism? Have you been with a narcissist? Does it make sense for this letter writer to stay for financial comfort?

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Featured Comment

“Evaluate the current relationship for what it is and assume if you left him you’d be on your own for a while. Don’t leave him because of a crush that may fizzle out or not go anywhere if you were to pursue something. Do you get anything positive out of the relationship (joy, fun, emotional support, good physical connection, positive companionship so you are not lonely) would you miss the relationship and him or just the financial benefits? Your letter is lacking details, but you need to decide if this relationship is unhealthy/abusive or not. Don’t stay with him because of financial benefits, life is short, if you would be happier/healthier without him despite the break up being hard, then definitely break up.”

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