Hi Meredith,

I’m gay and I met my closest female friend in college a few years ago. Let’s call her E. I have a very small circle of friends and keep to myself for the most part. Everything was great between us until very recently when she started dating someone. I didn’t get a very good vibe from this guy the few times I was around him, but I didn’t make a big deal of it. One night she had a gathering in her house with some friends. After I left, some of the guys at the party were questioning E’s boyfriend about the type of friendship E and I have. I don’t believe those guys know much about me other than the fact that I’m gay. Their questions caused an argument between E and her boyfriend and I have not seen her since. We briefly talked about the matter and I mentioned I didn’t get a good vibe from the boyfriend. She said there are issues with insecurity.

I have kept my distance to avoid unnecessary drama and do not feel uncomfortable being around him. Before she started dating this guy we would go out together, and if people would ask, we would correct any wrong assumption about us being a couple. Even some of her family members at some point thought we were more than friends but there has never been anything beyond a friendship. A few years ago, I had a similar situation but with a male friend. He started dating a guy who for some reason was very jealous of me. That friendship ended because of the jealousy. We were not very close and he lived in a different state, so the friendship naturally came to an end. At this point I do not know what to do or how to deal with this situation. I don’t believe I’m the root cause of the issue but since this has happened twice now, it makes me question myself. Am I doing something wrong? Is this normal behavior? I understand that people and relationships change all of the time, but what am I supposed to do?

– Losing friends