I am not a behavioral psychologist, but I have seen the movie “Twilight,” which is about vampires with powers.

Stay with me here. I’m going to make a point, I swear.

The premise of the vampire lore in that book/movie is that vampires have special skills based on their personalities and human talents. In one case, a vampire can read minds. In another, they can cause pain just by thinking about it.

One particular vampire can calm people down – change the mood of the room. What a skill!

Of course, it doesn’t last long. People are people, and they’ll get right back to being stressed or scared if that’s how they feel.

This is my long way of saying: I don’t think you can change someone else’s mood. Maybe for a few minutes at a time, but it would require a lot of tap dancing – or a vampire super power. 

The person in question needs to figure out why they’re sad or upset. They need to know they’re upsetting others and want to make a change.

Worth mentioning, if I have a vampire super power, it’s that I can absorb moods. If someone is miserable, I am too, and sometimes I think whatever’s happening is my fault. I’ve learned that in those moments, especially at home, I can give someone space. I can take a walk. I can let go of the idea of fixing the problem and do something nice on my own.

If you experience this “default mood” a lot, it’s worth having a deliberate discussion about what’s happening. You don’t want to get to a place where you’re afraid to talk about important things.

You and your partner should be working on this together. If they refuse, please consider what keeps you around.

– Meredith