Hey Meredith.

I started working at a new place last fall. I instantly became friends with a few colleagues there, but my friendship with one of the guys is getting more and more confusing. In the beginning I felt a bit attracted to him, but he has a girlfriend, so I never wasted any romantic thoughts on him.

He is a very outgoing person who gets along well with our female staff, often complimenting on their looks, a little bit of flirting, etc. He did the same with me, but he does it with everyone, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. But we became closer over time and started talking about personal things. At about that time he stopped talking about his girlfriend to me. I still didn’t consider that something might be going on, but in December things changed. I caught him staring at me across the office and the weird thing is he never looked away or stopped. Also his compliments stopped being nice and friendly and started to become more sexual (telling me that the way I look makes his mouth water).

At the Christmas work party we were standing in a big group, and I said to the group that it was weird that the girl who organized the party wasn’t here. He said (for everyone to hear) that it was her attempt to set us both up. Since Christmas things have gotten worse. He has repeatedly joked about us having sex, and once, when I joked about two of our co-workers having a crush on him, he replied that he only ever wanted me to be his girl but I apparently don’t want to.

When we went out for drinks with some co-workers last week, he sat next to me and couldn’t sit still. He was constantly fidgeting and when I asked him what was wrong because it was starting to go on my nerves, he blushed and said nothing. After a five minute break he started fidgeting again. These things have really confused me and started to hurt me because he has a girlfriend, so I tried to get some distance, but I feel like he won’t let me. He always approaches me and stands much too close, puts his arms around me or makes sexy jokes, and I have a feeling that I can’t get away, which I really need to in order to get over my feelings for him.

I don’t know what to do because if I tell him how I feel and that his behavior is confusing me and that I want him to stop, it’s not very nice to his girlfriend. But the way it is now, I just feel like it is killing me. What shall I do?

– Confused