Hi Meredith,

Background: We met about five months ago. We clicked and started seeing each other three or four times a week right away. It was refreshing to find someone who wasn’t playing games — no waiting to call or holding back feelings about wanting to see each other again. In a way, he renewed my belief that I could find love, too. I’m in my mid-30’s and pretty much accepted (pre-him) that I’d be my independent self for life. I like independent me, but I like sharing life with him even more.
After one month of dating we had the official “we’re exclusively dating” talk so there hasn’t been anyone else in the picture. Shortly after that, we met each other’s families.

Then recently, he wanted to have a talk. He’s getting nervous as we reach the six-month mark. I thought he was breaking up with me, which caught me totally off guard. Turns out he wasn’t, he just wants me to know that he’s still figuring out if there’s a future for us. (How’s that for open, emotional honesty? Makes me love this guy even more.) He hasn’t had a lot of relationship experience and that’s an issue for him (he’s around my age). He’s afraid he hasn’t dated around enough to know if he should build a future with me or if he should let me go before he hurts me. He also mentioned not wanting to look back a few years down the line and realize I was the one that got away. He’s conflicted.

I’m realistic that’s it’s only been six months and I’m not ready to start talking about living together or marriage or anything concrete, but I want to keep this great thing we have going. I hope I do have a future with him and I let him know that.

I asked him if he wants to see other people (neither of us are the serial dating type). He didn’t know at first, but then decided he didn’t. I asked him if we should do something differently. He doesn’t know. I don’t expect him to have decided after six months whether he’s ready for a future with me, but I kind of wish he hadn’t voiced his doubts, especially since he doesn’t know what he wants to do with them. He constantly makes comments about the fact that he’s only had one serious girlfriend before.

He had an opportunity to invite me to dinner with his parents the other night but he decided not to. Where does this leave me? Now I’m wondering if I should start to pull back out of self-preservation so I don’t get hurt more down the line. I’ve been inviting him out less to give him the chance to miss me. Is there a way to help him figure it out (even if it means breaking up and moving on)? Should he know by six months if he wants a future together? How much of this is about me and him, and how much is about his relationship history?

– Future for One or Two?, Boston