Meredith and readers,

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We met our freshman year of college and were inseparable. We are in our late 30s.

I know it sounds cliché, but we really are best friends and soul mates. We complement each other perfectly and have a wonderful relationship. We both have successful careers, a great group of friends and, up until recently, we agreed on everything.

My husband’s father recently passed away suddenly in a tragic accident. My husband and his father were very close. He is an only child and his mom passed away a few years ago. This loss has left my husband reeling.

We both agreed very early on in our relationship that neither of us wanted to have children. With the loss of his father, he now feels the need to have a family. I am at an age where it would still be possible to conceive, recognizing the possibility of infertility, birth defects, etc. that come with have children at an older age. However, I just do not want to have children.

I’ve told him that while his grief is still so raw, that it’s likely what is prompting his change of heart and that in time he will likely change his mind again. He says it’s unlikely that he will change his mind. He has started to see a therapist to work through his grief.

I don’t want to have a child and resent him for it. I don’t want to prevent him from having a family if that is what he really wants. I don’t want to lose him either. We have both shed many tears over this, realizing we are at a crossroads. Do you have any advice?

– Childless by Choice