He Won’t Break Up With Her

Monday | December 12, 2016

Love Letters Relationships

He Won’t Break Up With Her

Dear Meredith,

I have fallen for a guy who has a girlfriend. He’s been with his girlfriend for a couple of years. I had a crush on him as soon as I met him, but I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere because both of us were in relationships. We always went on double dates, but I just wanted to spend more time with him and get to know him. We work together, so I always flirt with him during work.

One night, he asked me to hang out alone. We went as friends, but it felt so romantic. It felt like a date. After that day, we started to text and flirt even more. After a few more weeks, we confessed our feelings for each other. Then I broke up with my boyfriend, but he remained with his girlfriend.

Why does he have to have a girlfriend? Why won’t he break up with his girlfriend to be with me? He told me it’s not easy to break up with his girlfriend because his family loves her. I totally understand, but is he happy with her? Can you really love two woman at once?

We’ve continued to go on dates, we kiss, etc. It hurts to see the cute moments he spends with his girlfriend because I want him for myself. My feelings for him are only getting stronger. It’s possible that there’s a part of me that likes this excitement, where we sneak around, but I am at the breaking point. I don’t want to do this anymore, but I just can’t seem to let him go. I don’t know what to do anymore.

– Waiting

This guy is lying to his girlfriend and stringing you along, yet your letter sounds loving. Forgiving. Patient. Hopeful.

Meanwhile, it’s a good time to get mad. You should be angry at him for turning you into a secret. You should be annoyed and frustrated that he’s let this go on as long as it has.

You should also be angry with yourself. You’ve been hooking up with somebody else’s boyfriend. This isn’t “romantic” or “exciting,” as you put it. Really, it’s just cowardly and mean. If you start calling the relationship what it is, you’ll be less likely to play make believe about the possibilities.

The big thing to know is that the word “girlfriend” appears seven times in your letter. That’s what she is, and she’s not going anywhere. So stop it with the dates and set some boundaries at work. Every time you forget reality, think of this sentence: “Then I broke up with my boyfriend, but he remained with his girlfriend.” Read it out loud until it sinks in.

– Meredith

Readers? What should she do?

Cheating Relationships