I dated (if one could call it that that) someone when I was around your age who seemed into me … expect that he wasn’t, or at least not enough. We were so perfect together, except for the fact that he knew I wasn’t exactly what he wanted. He was very honest about that; he loved me, but not enough in a romantic way. Nor was he ready to have a serious relationship with anyone at that age.

That tiny gap between what we had and me getting everything I wanted – that pocket of rejection – made this guy seem like a soul mate, or like a prize to be won. If only I could get him past that doubt, it would be … (drum roll) … amazing.

But then one day I was like, huh, everything he’s said is true. He likes me, but not enough – and that’s OK. Then, suddenly, I wasn’t into him enough either. I stopped communication, which made him sad, but at least I had clarity. Looking back, we did click in big ways, but part of the reason he felt so important was the rejection. It made any attention from him seem too important. It made the good moments seem like love.

You and I are not the same, and who knows what your guy is doing. All I know is that when you say everyone else makes you feel incomplete, I want to remind you that this man’s feelings for you are also incomplete. He’s never been all in.

I see two options. One is to talk to him about what happened in your relationship and ask about his intentions now. Maybe he’s sorry about the childish way he handled your affection. But if he has no remorse for that and has no idea what he’s hoping for now, you can let go. There’s no room for “I just like to show up when I feel like it.” Make sure you ask clear questions, and stay transparent about your feelings and concerns.

The other option is to write down what he’s actually earned from you (very little, I assume), and then let go. Make the decision final. It might save you some time.

– Meredith

Readers? Worth considering?