The last serious relationship I had was about 10 years ago. It lasted for about a year. We were both in our 20s – he finished his college degree and left town to find work, though we had a somewhat ugly breakup beforehand. I basically told him that I would follow him wherever he went, and he said, “No, you’ll hate me for it, and if I stay here with you, I’ll just end up pumping gas and you won’t stick around.”

Since then, we’ve stayed in touch and off and on. I’ve never completely gotten over him, though I’ve dated a fair amount. Usually when I mention him to my friends and family, they roll their eyes. We’ve both moved a lot and he’s often said he would come visit me, but never actually did. I wrote him an e-mail last year saying I didn’t want to hear from him or receive half-baked overtures. I told him that I still had feelings for him, and that the letdowns were too painful.

His response was kind but firm, and he basically he agreed to respect my wishes. I deleted him from my Facebook account and said goodbye. Then I figured the door was closed. He checked in on me once but our communication was minimal.

Now it’s been almost a year and I live and teach in Paris. He’s coming to visit family in Europe and wrote to ask if he could come visit for a few days. He said he wanted to make up for never visiting me before. He knows, by the way, that I won’t sleep with him unless we’re in a relationship. My first response was to interpret this as opening the door again, but I also can see that this might just be wishful thinking. I called a friend to discuss, and he said I’ll be disappointed, but this friend isn’t the most positive person on the planet. I wrote back and told him that I’d be happy to show him around (which is true).

I am not sure how to mentally prepare for his visit, and whether I should recommend that he stay in a hotel (I have a housemate anyway, which could make things awkward) or on the hide-a-bed. Is it a rom-com waiting to happen, or a French flick with an unresolved ending?

– Pining In Paris