Hi Meredith,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three years now, and living with him for half that time. We’re 26 and 27. He’s a great conversationalist, a hard worker, and is very supportive. In general, we get along well, but lately there have been issues. He’s a daily marijuana smoker and always has been. It’s something I never liked, but I made the mistake of assuming he’d grow out of it with time. I try to meet him halfway and don’t think it’s fair to demand he stop something he really enjoys.

However, because I’m also his roommate, my opinion on the topic should carry some weight. I ask that he smoke outside and remind him that I don’t think it’s OK before work or a date. I catch him doing it repeatedly in the shower and occasionally in his car before work. This has lead to numerous fights and has put a real wedge in our relationship. His response most recently is that I’m too controlling, and that I try to rush everything — marriage, cutting down on drinking, smoking, etc. I think my requests are reasonable, but his behavior shows he isn’t ready for a commitment like marriage. Is there any hope here? I want to salvage this.

– Any hope?