He Says She Means Nothing To Him

Thursday | March 10, 2022

Love Letters Relationships

He Says She Means Nothing To Him

An update! Last week we had that letter about the man who ghosted in a troubling way (like maybe he’d been injured). Well, the letter writer found out what happened. That man … is not injured. The letter writer emailed this: “I have an answer!! He’s in a relationship with someone! As posted to the world on Facebook. Yup, posting on both of their pages today that they are in a relationship with each other. Also, it appears they have probably been together for some time as another one of his posts today was a pic from a newspaper post of him, her, and her daughter [after her daughter] won a contest. Happy family! I would guess he was in a fight with her while he was overboard wooing me. They kissed and made up and now she is stuck with a complete dirt bag. What an [expletive]!” [Expletive], indeed. Letter writer, at least you know. Also, we will chat next week. Send your own letter (or update) to [email protected].

A year ago, my boyfriend of over 10 years broke up with me. He gave a bunch of different half-hearted reasons, but the main one seemed to be that our relationship got stagnant and he wasn’t sure if he saw a future with me. There was the added complication of his friends and a female coworker really coercing him out of the relationship.

We never got into fights or had any bad arguments or issues. I thought we could be friends. Or friendly. When he moved out, he never changed his address, so his mail continued to come to me and he would come get it once a month. I know I should have told him to stop and I know it’s stupid, but it was an excuse to see him.

Recently, a picture of him and a group of friends and his new girlfriend (that female coworker) was posted online. It hit me really hard. I realized I couldn’t do this anymore and the next time he came over, I told him so. I had to cut him out of everything. The conversation got really emotional. He admitted to dating her non-exclusively. And then told me he loves me and only sees me in his future. He said she’s nothing to him, but understands I need to cut him out completely. His words and his actions are completely opposite and has made me even more confused. How can he say all that but still mess around with this girl?

– Why?

He said she’s nothing to him? That’s so disrespectful.

I mean, I’m not worried about this other woman at the moment (she’s not the letter writer), but it makes me wonder what he’s saying about you to her – and others. He might not be serious about her, but he could be a bit kinder about who she is in his life. It sounds like he’s telling people what he thinks they want to hear, no matter how mean.

Your gut told you to cut him off. Good thing he understands! If he loves you, he’ll go away, because you have no idea what “future” he’s talking about, and frankly, if his actions don’t match his words, his promises are pretty useless.

Also, it’s annoying that he never changed his address. You’ve had to set boundaries for both of you, despite this breakup being his choice. He’s not thinking of what’s easiest and best for you.

Block him and consider a future without him, one you dream up on your own, with better things. Know that most people aren’t coerced into leaving a partner, especially if they don’t want to. He made this decision on his own. Believe that he’s gone and that you can do better.

– Meredith

Readers? Why is he saying this stuff?

Relationships