He Orders Me Around

Tuesday | March 8, 2016

Love Letters Relationships

He Orders Me Around

I am 60 years old and my husband is 75. I moved in with him three years ago and have been married for two years. After we met, I realized that he lied about his age and that he loves himself way too much. I was kicked out of the bedroom, and what upsets me most is that there’s no respect or communication at all. I am not entitled to an opinion, and I am given orders as if I am a housekeeper.

I do way too much for him and if I don’t like everything he is planning, all I get is abuse. When I don’t like something, he says that I am in his house and that he is the one to have the last say and make decisions. I pay for my own car repairs, health insurance, clothes, phone bill, medical bills – most everything I need I pay for myself. But he puts food on the table, and now I work only two days a week because he needed me at home.

Where am I going to go with no money? I don’t want to leave him, but I am abused mentally and emotionally. His children from his first previous marriage don’t want to see him. Only one son from his second marriage is coming every week and I have to cook for him and his future wife.

– What do you suggest?

I suggest finding a full-time job and moving out. I also suggest calling on friends and family to help you through the process. Be very specific about what you need, whether it be financial advice or a place to stay for a few nights.

You should also talk to a professional about this abuse. That person could be your primary care physician, who can make referrals for your mental health. You didn’t tell us why you coupled up with your husband in the first place, but if his personality has changed over time, it’s worth talking to your doctor about that, too.

This is a complicated situation, but you are not without options. Once you start talking to your community (friends, family, professionals) about what’s happening at home, you’ll be able to think more clearly about next steps.

– Meredith

Readers? Should she try to work on the marriage? How can she get out of this situation?

Relationships

Featured Comment

Please don’t stay in this situation because of finances. Do you have a friend or family member you could stay with for a few months while you get back on your feet? Can you find a cheap room in a shared apartment? Can you go back to working 5 days per week, or get another part time job?

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