He Doesn’t Have Time For Me

Wednesday | February 22, 2023

Love Letters Relationships

He Doesn’t Have Time For Me

Stuck in a rut? Have a crush? Have no crush at all? Send your relationship/dating question to [email protected] or fill out this form.

I am in a relationship with a man I’ve been friends with for five years. He is very ambitious and works a lot of hours. I also work a lot of hours trying to support him with his dream, and assisting him as he expands his business. He always tells me, unprompted, that he loves me, but he rarely has time for me. I never seem to be his priority. It’s very rare for him to initiate contact or communication.

I know family is extremely important to him. Over Christmas, his parents, who live in another country, and his daughter were staying with him. Not once did he arrange for me to meet them or interact with them. We are talking about moving in together, but he keeps pushing it back. He has never been overly affectionate or emotional.

He is very stable, level-headed, and brings balance to my life. I am trying to figure out if my past relationship trauma is making me feel rejected and excluded from his life or if I am correct and that he has something to hide because he did not introduce me to his family. A friend told me I’m reading too much into it and to relax, but at 43 I don’t want to be taken for another ride.

– Excluded

I’m not sure you’re being taken for a ride, but you’re not getting what you want, and that’s a real problem. You’re dealing with so many doubts after five years of knowing this man. It sounds like you’re unsatisfied, even when you relationship is at its best.

What if he doesn’t have anything to hide but can’t give you the attention you need? What if this is simply not a good match?

That’s what you should think about right now, whether you can be happy with life as is because that’s what he’s offering. Even if he’d invited you to meet his family, you’d still come second to work, etc. It sounds like he’s content to let you help him achieve his dreams, but he doesn’t reciprocate by prioritizing yours. That’s not a great dynamic for a partnership.

You don’t have to wait for a big lie or betrayal to end a relationship that doesn’t bring you enough happiness. Consider what you want at 43. If this man isn’t it, it’s time to move on.

– Meredith

Readers? Is he hiding something? What if he isn’t?

Relationships