Dear Meredith,

I need some advice about my current relationship. We’ve only been together nine months and met through friends. I had just gotten out of a four-year relationship with a wonderful man. I ended that relationship because we grew apart and essentially had just became roommates.

New guy, “AJ,” seemed perfect at first. He was warm and affectionate, and our sex life was great. He makes me laugh more than anyone I’ve ever met. He started staying at my place every night and essentially moved in. I voiced concern over this but was pretty much head-over-heels so I just went with it. Now we are living together and I pay all the bills while he looks for work. My income can’t support two people much longer and we’ve had several conversations about this. He gets defensive when I ask him to help out around the house and accuses me of judging him for not finding a job. I have not pressured him to find a job he will hate, I have just been honest that I am literally running out of money.

We have sex much less and only when he wants to. I’m an attractive, late-20s woman with a promising career who has been in a few long-term relationships with balanced dynamics. Full disclosure — AJ has PTSD from being a war vet. We talk about his experiences when he wants to, and I know when to give him space when he is going through bad moments. I know I don’t fully understand how this affects him. My problem is the complete personality change he made quickly after we met, and how how upset he gets when I try to talk about basic things that are necessary for us to continue to afford living together. Even when he’s in a good mood, a basic conversation makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells for the rest of the night. I am not used to being in a one-sided physical relationship either. I don’t know where to go from here. Any advice would be great.

– Where is the guy I met?