Getting Over My Best Friend

Friday | October 23, 2015

Love Letters Relationships

Getting Over My Best Friend

Thank you for a lovely chat yesterday.

Hello Meredith,

I am in love with my best friend. We are both in our late 30s. I met him early in 2014 and we starting hanging out weekly and then every day. Even if it was just to exchange bananas or give a hug. We have the most loving, supportive, caring, positive, uplifting relationship we have both ever been in. We consider each other best friends. We see each every day. Go out to dinners, grocery shop, and live two blocks from each other. Have been away alone multiple times and have sex. The sex didn’t start until six months in, and was off and on until early this year. Then pretty consistent sex, which is secondary in our relationship but wonderful. I sleep next to him twice a week.

He has always been clear about is relationship status – he wants to be free. He is scared of commitment and feels he is a terrible boyfriend. I feel I could live the rest of my life being his wife. We have talked about this various times in our relationship. Last weekend he went out with an old friend (whom he has slept with previously), and I got upset. I vocalized my fear of him with another woman, in general. This led to discussions about our relationship, and our wants and needs. We are not on the same page, obviously. Today, I fully admitted my love. Does space make the heart grow fonder? Am I being foolish to believe that this is something that can be? If yes, how to do you fall out of love with best friend? Will space stop the wanting? I really thought our relationship would evolve into something more.

– In love with BF, Boston

First, stop referring to him as your best friend. He’s a guy you’ve known (and adored) for a year. The friendship has been secondary to the romantic stuff, and it’s clear that you’ve always wanted more than hugs and bananas.

Call this a breakup and proceed accordingly. Mourn the loss of his attention and think about what you might want from your next relationship (more than two nights a week, a bigger commitment, etc.). Keep your distance – because if you want to be this guy’s wife, you shouldn’t be anywhere near him.

The best way to fall out of love is to focus on reality instead of all of your daydreams. Every time you imagine him changing his mind and running to you, bananas in hand, call a friend (a real friend) to keep you rooted in reality. That’s what genuine, platonic friends are for.

Readers? Any chance he’ll change his mind? Is he her best friend?

– Meredith

Unrequited Love Crush Relationships