I’ve always had extreme anxiety, especially in relationships. This has usually turned into extreme jealousy and suspicion. In my past relationship (which lasted more than three years), I was caught snooping in her phone a couple of times, causing intense fights that lasted days to a week. I’m now in a new relationship with someone who is so understanding and loving toward me (going on six months). However, I still struggle with this. I’ve looked through her phone a couple of times already, but this time I was very apologetic and honest with her. She responded almost too well, saying she wasn’t mad. She forgave me pretty quickly and tried to relieve me of the anxieties I felt from the things that I found (mostly things from her past; she would never cheat).

But recently I went a little further and found her password for her Google account. I logged in while she was away and I searched through her internet history. I found that she watched pornography less than a year ago (before we were dating) when she told me she hasn’t watched porn in at least two years. Also, I saw that she looked up erotica (“pornographic literature”) just a couple days ago, after we had a huge talk about her past with watching porn. I confronted her about it, but phrased it in a hypothetical way to ask her opinion on the topic of “reading” porn, and she said she hasn’t done it in years. I know she’s being dishonest because I saw it, but then again, I’m being dishonest by snooping. I don’t know what to do. Do I tell her I snooped and I know she’s lying because I saw it? Is that worth the risk of losing her trust and her seeing me as controlling?

– Snooped