Feelings For My Boss

Monday | April 6, 2015

Love Letters Relationships

Feelings For My Boss

Hi Meredith,

I’m in my mid-20s, and my boss is married with kids who are older than I am. Our work relationship has been great since day 1. Even though there is a huge age difference, we have a lot in common – mindset, sense of humor, love of sports, etc.

For the past few weeks it has become clear to me that my boss may be interested in me. At first I thought he was just being himself – friendly and genuine – but now I’m not sure. I have met his wife and they are such an amazing, happy couple together. He knows I have a boyfriend and he has been with his wife for quite some time. But I think I might be developing feelings for him too.

On my birthday, my colleagues got together and got me a birthday cake and cards. It was very sweet. My boss, however, was avoiding me the whole day, and by the end of the day he surprised me with two gifts. (I’m not going to say what, but they were generous.) The gifts showed that he is a good listener and knows what I like outside of our work environment.

This is not the first time I received a generous gift from him. At first I thought it was because I got him a thank you gift for getting me to where I am now, but now I don’t know what is going on. Ever since my birthday, he’s been talking to me more and more.

I feel strange all of a sudden. I’m not someone who’d ever ruin a marriage, and I have a boyfriend. I have not shown any signs that I like him. Right now I’m just a confused girl who needs help with what is happening.

– The Interested Naive Angel

You’re not a “confused girl.” You know exactly what’s happening and you’ve already set your boundaries.

You have a nice, supportive boss who might like you too much. Because of his attention, you’ve developed a small crush — but you’d never act on it because you’d don’t want to mess with his marriage.

Your best bet is to treat your boss the way he should be treating you so he can mirror your behavior. Keep your conversations public and make it clear that he’s a mentor, not a peer. If he buys you another generous gift, let him know that all you need is your great working relationship. Say, “No more gifts, please.”

Also do some thinking about your boyfriend. Perhaps you’re confused about your boss because something is missing in your real relationship. You didn’t tell us anything about your out-of-work life, and I have to wonder why.

Readers? What’s happening with the boss? What’s happening with the boyfriend? What should she do?

– Meredith

Office Relationships