Feeling Very Mid-life About My Marriage

Wednesday | May 31, 2023

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Feeling Very Mid-life About My Marriage

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I’m a woman, recently turned 50, and might be having a mid-life crisis. I’m currently questioning everything about my life, including my marriage. We are a heterosexual couple, husband is a few years older. I look at my husband/marriage and think “meh.” My thoughts wander to “could there be something better?”

The marriage is generally fine, no major issues, we love each other, have been together for decades, have shared a lifetime of positive memories, etc. Private times are good. No one has caught my attention, not feeling as if I have to sow whatever crusty oats I have left. I seek advice from those that have gone through the same thing. Please don’t say “seek therapy,” “take some uppers,” or “spice up date nights.” Yes, I have spoken to the hubs about this. His response? Part of getting older. If this is part of getting older, I decline the experience.

– Young enough to make changes

It would help to know what you want from him. Specifically.

More sex? Cool vacations? Laughter? Things to look forward to? All of those desires are understandable. You can tell him you want more, but he needs to understand what that means. It’s not fair to say something’s missing and make him guess.

You say your marriage is one of the things you want to change right now, but it might not be the easiest item to address on your list. Why not start with things you can control on your own? Like job. Friends. Pick other items on your “question everything” agenda and make moves. If taking a trip by yourself or finding a hobby changes your outlook on life, it might help clarify what you want at home. If you make changes but feel exactly the same, that’s telling too – and then, yes, it would help to talk to a therapist about what this discomfort means.

Changes outside of the home – new priorities, interests, and experiences – can make things a lot better when you return. You’ll have different things to talk about with your husband. It breaks the routine. Maybe he’ll follow your lead and join on some adventures. That could refresh the marriage. It’s worth trying.

– Meredith

Readers? Advice that doesn’t involve therapy and date nights? Or is that what’s best? Have you felt like walking away from a good relationship after a long time?

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