Extra Holiday Updates

Three more updates for those reading anything today. I hope the holiday was wonderful. Send letters to [email protected]. The first update is from someone whose new relationship wasn’t going anywhere. So, I’m back to square one. After having very meaningful conversations about where we both stood, he has now gone silent.
Let me clarify: We had kissed but had done nothing sexual beyond kissing and some heavy petting. He had admitted to me that he wanted to move to the next level with me, but was concerned about my propensity to overthink. I agreed and told him that what would help to keep me from overthinking was to just be open and honest. So we laid our cards on the table. He said that the “rules” of not approaching the other person first, or being afraid to come across as annoying and overwhelming, were not in his repertoire. He said that if I wanted to text, call, or talk, then I should text, call, or talk. However… Cut to about two weeks ago, and I was asking his opinion on what we should do that week. He couldn’t commit to a set time and date because he had a project at work that was kind of fly-by-night, but he wanted to do something and see me. I completely understood the work issue (I have similar problems at times). I sent a followup text on Friday afternoon asking how that night looked. He said he’d be working late again, but asked how my weekend looked. I took that to mean he was interested in doing something over the weekend. I offered up Saturday night or Sunday morning for brunch. He never replied. I followed up Saturday night, and he never replied. I’ve now stayed silent for 1.5 weeks. I’ve heard absolutely nothing from him. I’ve deleted his number and texts to keep me from replaying, rereading, and replying. But I am completely disheartened and hurt that after three months of dating, with real conversation and honesty, that he didn’t have the guts to tell me he’s no longer interested. It would be one thing if I never heard back from him after one or two dates, but multiple dates over three months is completely disrespectful. So now, here I am, two weeks removed from this. Ninety-nine percent of me realizes that this is over. But that 1 percent is still holding out a little hope, especially given the “if you want to text, call, or talk, then text, call, or talk” discussion we had. I’m also afraid that I might just be overthinking this too, and that there’s no real issue. But to not reply to me asking a question, and staying completely silent for two weeks is pretty disrespectful. Would you agree that it’s best to just move on and not try and call and work this out? (Also: I know you and the commenters wanted to know what a breakup straight out of “Legally Blonde” meant… I was out to dinner with my then-boyfriend. We had been together for almost two full years. We had talked about the next step, and everything was really positive and good. He was very nervous, and very anxious throughout dinner. He kept bringing up the future and how exciting it would be. I was actually starting to think that it might be “the time.” And instead, he broke up with me as I was half expecting to get a proposal.) Our next update is from another person who needed relationship clarification. Thank you so much for your advice and help. I took your advice, and asked “John” where he thought the relationship was going. He explained that he felt he wasn’t being fair to me, and could not have a committed relationship at the moment or in the near future. I was disappointed, but we parted ways and I have since moved on. After reading your response, and the comments from other readers, it occurred to me that I was not taking enough control over where my relationships were going and needed to set more boundaries instead of simply standing by as things happened. Thank you again for helping me realize that I too can control where things lead to, and to speak up when my inner voice says things are not where I want them to be. The final update is about one of our most popular letters ever. The one with the hot tub. Hi Meredith, I wrote in a few years ago asking how to deal with my boyfriend’s naked romp in a hot tub with a some of his hippie friends and girls he didn’t know. It was interesting to see how split commenters were over how it should be handled. On one end of the spectrum, people told me I was being a puritanical prude, and at the other end were people telling me to dump him. Your response was so helpful, though, and I followed your advice to set a no-naked-without-me rule. “Tom” was very open when I talked to him about it more and he agreed that our clothes would stay on when our partner is absent. I’m happy to say that it’s been almost four years since I wrote the letter, and “Tom” and I have been happily married for the last year and a half. And, he kept his shorts on the last time he was in a hot tub with a bunch of women (who also happened to be my friends). Thanks again! Married into the hot tub (Also, shocked to see that my letter made the list of 20-most memorable over the last 5 years!)