Having Dreams About Another Man

Wednesday | September 13, 2017

Love Letters Relationships

Having Dreams About Another Man

I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for the past four years, in and out of school (we’re in our early 20s now). This time around is the longest we’ve dated without breaking up. We’re almost at our two-year mark and things are going well.

The problem is that over the past year, I’ve been thinking about someone else, a guy I knew in school who used to like me years ago, and I was always attracted to him. We didn’t keep in touch after graduation, but he randomly texted me the other day to tell me he has a girlfriend who is a “version of me.”

Ever since he messaged about his girlfriend, I’ve been weirdly jealous, and I keep having sex dreams about him. I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with my boyfriend because I love him so much, but … what if I never get the chance to be with anyone else?

I know my boyfriend is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. Maybe it’s just me being stupid right now, but this other guy – I just can’t get him out of my head for some reason. What should I do?

– Dazed and Confused

There’s nothing to do about this other man, really. You have a significant other and so does he. Your best bet is to have your sexy dreams and enjoy them. You’re allowed to have fantasies, and in a long-term relationship, it’s hard to avoid them.

You might be less haunted if you stop thinking of your current relationship as a lifetime commitment. You’re not betrothed; there’s no promise of forever just yet. I think you’re becoming obsessed with this other guy – and panicking about your future, in general – because you’re asking questions that you can’t answer right now. Maybe in a year you’ll decide that you must say goodbye to your boyfriend to experience being with other people. It’s also possible that in another 12 months you’ll feel even more confident about the relationship you’re in.

All you know is this: “We’re almost at our two-year mark and things are going well.” If you drop all of your big expectations, you might feel breezier about your fantasy life.

– Meredith

Readers? What do you think?

Fear Of Missing Out Relationships

Featured Comment

Your itch needs to be scratched. You clearly committed too early to The One And Only, and you’re now realizing that there’s more life out there than you saw before.

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