Hi Meredith,

I have decided to write to you since I am dealing with a tricky love situation that I do not know how to handle anymore.

About a year ago, I met this man, “John,” at my current workplace. We started occasionally hanging out as friends and we have shared many stories and problems about our families, friends, exes, and recent dates. He has given me advice when I broke up with a recent boyfriend, and I have also given him advice about his love life or work issues.

Outside of work, we have been hanging out a lot just the two of us or with friends. We also talk every night with calls or texts. My friends say we act like a married couple. Even when I was in a recent short relationship, I would communicate more with John than with my boyfriend. Physically he is not my type at all — he is quite the opposite. If I had met him at a bar, I wouldn’t have even noticed him, but it is his humor and personality that make him very attractive and loving. We have different hobbies, but we both have the same ideas regarding family and future goals.

John’s friends have made comments to us that we should be together and I have given him quite a few hints about my feelings for him, that they have developed to more than liking him as a friend. Every time I give him hints though, he tries to avoid them by telling me that I am confused and do not know what I am talking about or that I do not make sense

He also has the tendency of being friends with most of his exes. He mentions one ex a lot. They broke up more than a year ago for many different reasons, but I believe that he is still in love with her. They don’t communicate at this point.

Where do I go from here? Do you think there are mutual feelings or does he just see me as a good and trusted friend? I have given him enough hints about my feelings, and I do not want to be brushed off again or hurt since I do value our friendship.

– A Very Confused Soul