I Didn’t Want To Host Thanksgiving
We are hosting a Love Letters event on Dec. 18. Call it a pre-holiday party. Our special guest is Susanna Fogel, writer director of the upcoming Kate McKinnon/Mila Kunis movie “The Spy Who Dumped Me.” Susanna also wrote the book “Nuclear Family.” (She’s from here and funny.) We’ll chat with her and hang out in a cool building, etc. Bring friends. Registration is free.
Q.A week before Thanksgiving, my fiancé informed me that he had invited his family to our place for the holiday. We had previously decided that we would not be attending other Thanksgiving celebrations or hosting our own because we were leaving for a vacation the next day.
I immediately objected to the surprise meal, insulted that he assumed I would take on this task without even asking me. I simply explained that there was not enough time for me to prepare, shop, cook, clean, pack for our trip, decorate … the list goes on and on. Not to mention I wanted to have some money for our trip, and entertaining is an expense I had not budgeted for.
I am now being called selfish because of my reaction. How would you handle this situation?
– Feeling Selfish
A.It doesn’t sound like you were being unreasonable. You made a decision together, and he ignored it.
Of course, it’s possible I’m not getting the whole story. Maybe he explained why this meal was so important – or was pushed into it by his family and didn’t know how to say no.
Regardless, my advice is to stop focusing on who’s more selfish and wrong. No one’s going to win that fight. Instead, consider this a lesson in communication as a couple. Where did you guys lose each other here? Did anyone make assumptions? Was the original decision truly understood?
Try to go into the discussion assuming the best of each other. He probably wasn’t trying to make you miserable, just as you weren’t aiming to be inhospitable.
It’s just that sometimes we think we’ve said all we need to say, but we aren’t heard – and maybe we haven’t listened. If you can get rid of the anger, you can shift your attention to analyzing how you got here – so that it doesn’t happen again.
– Meredith
Readers? Thoughts on this fight?
Be civil. Be kind.
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