Dealing With His Sister

Friday | June 19, 2015

Love Letters Relationships

Dealing With His Sister

I should start a “sister” category. Remembering this letter … and this one … and this one …

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 months. We live together and have been trying to start a life together, but his sister tries to control his life, which means she tries to control my life too.

I met my boyfriend a few days after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, and I didn’t expect anything to happen. We kissed and then texted for two days. I decided to go back to my ex, but after a week I knew I had made a huge mistake and that it would never work out. About three weeks later I decided to text my current boyfriend just to see how he was doing, and after a while we spent some time together and decided to start dating. But his sister officially hated me from the get-go because I went back to my ex for that one week and hurt her brother.

She has accused me of being a backstabber because I hang out with my boyfriend’s friends she doesn’t like. She has told my boyfriend that I am a gold digger who’s only in it for the money (yet we basically earn the same salary). She has said that I will never be a part of the family and that I am not invited to her family events.

My boyfriend doesn’t stick up for me. He says that she will always hate me and that the more he tries to stand up for me, the more there will be conflict and fights.

Please give me some advice. My boyfriend and I are fighting a lot about this, and it is really starting to affect our relationship. I am also really hurt by all the stuff she’s said about me.

– His sister

“She has accused me of being a backstabber because I hang out with my boyfriend’s friends she doesn’t like.”

Well, at least you’re not the only one she despises. It sounds like she’s got a long list of people who she believes aren’t worthy. Really, you shouldn’t feel bad about her name-calling. Clearly she’s just negative – the gold digger comment doesn’t even make any sense.

Instead of focusing on her, talk to your boyfriend about how to work around the family drama. Let him know that he shouldn’t be telling you all of the awful things his sister says about you (it doesn’t help you to know). Also, he doesn’t have to defend you, but he should go out of his way to make sure you don’t feel ostracized. That might mean limiting his family time and setting new boundaries.

If it feels like his sister comes first no matter what, you have to consider whether this relationship is what you want. This should be an occasional annoyance, not a problem that makes you miserable every day.

Readers? What should she expect from her boyfriend?

– Meredith

Family 🖤 Relationships

Featured Comment

u0022So …. think about this scenario. Its Thanksgiving and the sister is having the dinner at her house. You aren’t invited. Your boyfriend doesn’t have thenB – – LLS to upset her so he goes without you. You either go to your family alone (if they are close by) or sit home alone? How would that work for you? I say time to move on.u0022 – outoftowner1224

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