At 50, Should I Settle For What I Have?

Thursday | January 28, 2021

Love Letters Relationships

At 50, Should I Settle For What I Have?

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Hi there. I’m 50 years old and have never been married. I finally met someone who likes me a lot, but I don’t think he’s my soulmate.

We enjoy some of the same activities; hiking, cooking, movies, dogs, etc. Intimacy is nice, as well. I just feel like we haven’t connected on a deep level.

Should I keep looking or settle at this point? Maybe this is my last chance for a relationship. I haven’t had a lot of men interested in me, despite years of effort on dating sites.

– Desperate in Mass.

This is not your last chance for a relationship. There is no need to settle, pretty much ever, with someone who isn’t doing it for you.

That said, it sounds like this man is doing it for you in a lot of ways. I guess I’m wondering if it’s possible to connect on a deeper level. If what’s missing could go on a list – if you’re thinking, “I wish I could talk more about my hopes and dreams with this person …” – you could tell him that. Sometimes you have to ask for what you want with great specificity. People don’t walk into relationships knowing exactly how to bond with their new partner. Be clear about how you want to be loved.

Please know that there’s no such thing as a soulmate. Someone can feel like a soulmate. They can be an incredible match for you, and it can seem like magic that you met them. But the people who feel perfect in every way are sometimes not so perfect. I don’t know anyone who didn’t have to do a little work to be a good couple.

If you’ve talked about what’s missing and the love just isn’t there, let him go. But please try to figure out if there’s potential and you just haven’t seen it.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you get to another level with a person you like on the surface?

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Featured Comment

I don’t know how unrealistic you are being. It sounds pretty nice to me to have someone you can share intimacy and interests with but if you only feel so-so about him, then let him go. Of course you could also be alone forever and regret it too. I surely wouldn’t want to be the person who thought that my partner was settling for me. I would want to be with someone who thinks I am great!

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