An Old Crush … Didn’t Even Remember Me

Monday | July 31, 2023

Love Letters Relationships

An Old Crush … Didn’t Even Remember Me

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I had a crush on a boy in 6th grade that lasted more than two years. I was too shy to talk in class, scared of making mistakes, and this boy would get up and answer on the first go without thinking. I found that endearing and inspiring. I thought he liked me; an automatic assumption at 11. I still remember the ache in my chest when I came home and burst into tears (because that was the norm) after realizing he didn’t reciprocate what I felt for him.

We didn’t have many conversations throughout the years, but knew each other from class. I enjoyed his company and made little jokes around him. Once, I made eye contact with him during a crowded assembly and he smiled at me. I remember being so giddy that I came home and screamed into a pillow. He moved when we were in 8th grade. I wasn’t heartbroken, but I was sad. For years I tried to find him on social media but I couldn’t. He just seemed to be one of those guys who kept a low profile.

Fast-forward, I’m in my second year of college, and I found him on a professional website. I messaged him, asking how he was, and saying how it had been a long time. He didn’t remember me. He very politely asked me to refresh his memory. I was pushed harshly into a flashback where 12-year-old me was tear-stained, heartbroken, and disappointed. The same pain from all those years ago. We had had some interactions throughout the years, and I didn’t expect him to forget me. Even though they were little interactions. I guess what I’m trying to say is, sometimes you don’t hold as much value in people’s lives as they did in yours. There’s nothing wrong about that; I think it’s all about being presumptuous and thinking you live in a fairytale. I’m not bitter about it, and I don’t think it’s his fault. I was shy and insignificant; he was the star of the class. I just didn’t see it coming after all these years, and it rattled me. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

– Fairytale

You’re still making assumptions about this person. He moved away in 8th grade, right? He might have had a tough time in his new home. Maybe he moved again after that. You’re deciding things about his life – who he values, what he’s experienced – but you know nothing.

Also, sometimes it takes me 10 minutes to realize a new contact on LinkedIn is a person I went to summer camp with at 9. Don’t take it personally.

The thing I notice about your letter: you didn’t tell us anything about college or how you live your life now. You’ve changed, learned, and evolved into someone with new skills, right? It’s a bummer that this 6th-grade crush didn’t reciprocate your excitement about getting back in touch, but even if he did, he wouldn’t be thinking of who you are now.

Please focus on the people who know you in the present. Tell them this story. Laugh about it. Just so you know, many years ago, I drank too much at my 10-year high school reunion and called a boy I had a crush on when I was a kid. He wasn’t at the reunion, and I was disappointed. Someone gave me his number. During the awkward phone call, he told me, politely, that he was living in a different time zone, was out at dinner, wished me the best … and then the call was over. I was left outside the bar thinking, “Wow, that was humiliating.” The next day I was back with my present-day friends. Then I had perspective, and decided the whole thing was ridiculous. (I do know that old crush was flattered to get the call.)

You say the lesson in this is that “sometimes you don’t hold as much value in people’s lives as they did in yours.” I have to ask: does it matter? He made you feel nice back then, and you learned what it was like to have a crush. Now you’re at a better age to make connections that last. Focus on that.

– Meredith

Readers? Why focus on someone from the past? In college, childhood connections still seem recent (from what I remember). When does it become ancient history? Any advice for getting meaning from this experience? Do you always recognize people on social media?

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