After Moving In, Should I Move Back Out?

Tuesday | October 18, 2022

Love Letters Relationships

After Moving In, Should I Move Back Out?

What’s your relationship/dating/single-life problem? What’s stressing you out/on your mind? Send a question about it to [email protected] or fill out this form.

Meredith,

I moved in with my boyfriend and his best friend a few months ago. My boyfriend and I both lived alone for the first year and a half of our relationship. We all get along very well, and his friend is now one of my best friends too. However, I’ve noticed recently that my boyfriend puts no effort into seeing me or spending time with me. We have a constant third wheel, which I was OK with until recently. But now if we’re not hanging out with his friend, my boyfriend is either out golfing/bowling or locked in our office playing video games. If his friend is doing something my boyfriend is slightly interested in, he chooses that over hanging out with me.

There are no dinner dates that are just the two of us, we never cuddle up and watch a movie anymore. In fact, I’m finding myself spending way more time with his friend.

The other issue is we have a dog and I find myself taking full care of the dog both physically and financially. On top of that, I’m really the only one who cleans or cooks. I’m not sure what to do, I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I love my boyfriend but I’m thinking of moving out. My fear is that if I do move out, he’s going to continue living this frat boy lifestyle with his friend, and that just not what I’m looking for in a boyfriend.

– Help

It sounds like you should move out. With the dog.

This is a bad living situation for you, so fix it. If your boyfriend wants to see you, he’ll have to think about time management, making plans, etc. This was a nice experiment, but it was the wrong setup for cohabitation. You became the odd person out pretty quickly.

For the record, I don’t think any of this means your boyfriend doesn’t love you or want to spend time with you; he’s just not good at living with you and a close friend. This might feel different if you move in with him alone, in a new place, after you both agree on priorities.

If he’s not going to alter his lifestyle ever, that’s something to know, right? It might seem risky to leave, but the status quo seems riskier.

He might not like this plan, but let’s see if he has any ideas for real compromise. It can’t be staying put, as is. Put your own comfort first.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to move out or could this get better over time, with more conversation?

Relationships